By Jo and Meggie

Meggie, Joimus, & Alistair story

Meggie pulled in front of her house after leaving Jeffrey. Wiping her eyes, she took a deep breath and just stared into space. Maybe I was wrong, she thought as a twinge of guilt and pain filled her heart and mind. I should have…. No. What was done was done and had to be in order for her to be truly free to move on and make something of herself.

Reverend Alistair Harris. She wanted to speak to him about the book collection. Meggie remembered Joimus at the party talking about him, and thought she had heard someone say he lived in the old mill. But where, exactly, she wasn’t sure. Instead, she’d first see Joimus and ask her for directions. Wiping the tear stains from her face, she took another deep breath and then smiled. She was ready to start her own adventure now.

Driving through the lovely wooded and lush Glen community, Meggie finally stopped her Jeep in front of Joimus and Maximus’ home. Such a lovely and peaceful place, filled with flowers bursting full of vibrant colors and fragrances. Getting out, Meggie walked down the path that led to the front door. She hoped Joimus didn’t mind her just dropping by like this without any notice. The pure and clear sound of birds singing nearby brought a smile to her face as she knocked on the door.

Joimus had a small sack of birdseed in the crook of her left arm as she opened the door.

"Meggie!" she smiled. "I’m so glad you’ve come out to see me. Come, walk with me while

I refill the feeders in the garden."

Joimus led the way down a path between tall borders of foxglove and delphinium to a wider area

in the garden where a birdbath sat beneath the branches of a young willow tree. A carved bench

sat in the shade and she motioned Meggie to it as she quickly filled several feeders. "Now," she

smiled, sitting beside the younger woman, "what’s going on with you?"

"I apologize for just dropping in like this without calling first. You have the most beautiful garden I’ve ever seen, Joimus!" Meggie looked around, and watched as five small birds flew in and were now hungrily perched on one of the feeders, pecking at the seeds. She enjoyed the peacefulness it offered and allowed herself to gradually forget about Jeffrey.

Meggie then turned back to Joimus. "It’s about Reverend Harris. I remembered seeing you two talking at the New Year’s Eve party, and wondered if you could introduce me to him? He has a large collection of books, I’ve heard, and I was interested in talking with him about that. I’m just not sure where he lives," she smiled nervously.

"It’s actually not far," Joimus nodded, fingering a long trail of the willow that had draped over her shoulder. "I tell you what, Meggie. I’ve got some time right now. Why don’t I drive over and you can follow me in your car? Then after you feel comfortable, I’ll come back here and you can

stay as long as you like. I think he’d be truly glad to get a start on the library. I’ve been in the mill and he’s got books stacked everywhere." She slipped a cell phone from a pocket and dialed Alistair’s number, explaining to him about Meggie and the books.

"That’s perfect," Alistair replied. "Both of you come right on over. I’ve actually got a pitcher of lemonade Ahnna left. I’ll see you shortly then."

Stopping briefly by the house so she could get her purse, Joimus went to her station wagon and Meggie got in her own car. Joimus had seen some of the recent interaction between Meggie and Jeffrey at the community events and also noted the tension in her eyes when Meggie had first arrived. Yes, something like the books would definitely be a good idea right now, books and Alistair. She couldn’t think of a better combination for Meggie at the moment.

When they arrived at the mill, Alistair was standing in its doorway, waiting for them. As they parked, he walked toward them, Merry dancing around his legs. The young dog was good-natured and well-loved and so open to expecting good from everyone she met. At the sight of

Meggie, she bounced rather Tigger-like across the lawn in the direction of the young woman.

"Well hello there," Meggie exclaimed, a big grin spreading across her face as the golden retriever ran up to greet her. Squatting, she reached out slowly to let the dog sniff her hand and when it seemed all right, she began to lovingly pet the dog. "You are a beauty, you know that? And quite a ball of energy! So, what’s your name?" she asked the happy puppy.

"Merry," Alistair answered. "She was my Christmas present this year." When Meggie stood, he

extended his hand. "Hello, Meggie. I’m so glad you’re interested in doing something with the books I have."

"It’s a pleasure to meet you, Merry," Meggie laughed as she continued to watch Merry’s playful antics. Looking up, she accepted the reverend’s hand. A firm, but gentle and warm hand she immediately noticed, which helped put her more at ease. "And you, too, Reverend Harris. Joimus was just telling me about your extensive book collection you have in the mill and plans on starting a library here in the Glen. I’d be very interested in helping you any way I can."

"Alistair," he corrected with a smile. "Please. Yes, there’s that empty building just past the trees there that would be perfect for a small library. What it needs is someone who knows her way around a library and is willing to help get it up and running. I’ve got a lot of books that will make a good start, but we’d need to add more to fill it out in the areas I don’t have. Would you like to come inside and get some idea of what I’m talking about?"

"Certainly. I used to work as a school librarian, and to be honest, I’m miss the interaction between people and books," she laughed as she followed Alistair up the path and towards the empty building.

When she saw how at ease Meggie looked in Alistair’s presence, Joimus said, "I really need to be getting back to the Greenery. You’ll be all right, Meggie?"

Meggie stopped a moment. She enjoyed Joimus’ company and felt safe with her. Not wanting to keep her from work, though, Meggie smiled. "Yes, I will be. Thank you very much, Joimus, for taking the time to help me out. I really appreciate it." She then turned and hugged her new friend.

After Joimus had driven away, Alistair led Meggie inside the mill. "These in this bookcase near my desk are the one I need to keep," he explained, "but the library would be most welcome to the rest." He showed her boxes and stacks of books about history, gardening, archaeology, architecture, biology, literature, astronomy, geology, etc. "I’m afraid I don’t have very many novels," he shrugged. "We’d need to do something about that. Is this something you think you’d like to work on, Meggie?"

A huge smile spread across her face. "This is a fantastic collection, Reverend…I mean Alistair. You have quite a remarkable love for reading and knowledge. Yes, yes these books would certainly be useful in starting a library for the community. Please don’t worry about the novels, I’d be happy to start a fiction collection…one for children …another for classical literature." She gazed around the space, enjoying the quietness and simplicity it offered. Outside, she could hear the wooden creak and splash of water from the wheel that turned.

"It must be very soothing and peaceful to be here. Almost like stepping into a whole new world while leaving the old one and its problems behind." A small sigh escaped from her lips as she walked around the space. Pausing in front of another box, she picked up a thick book focusing on biology and physical sciences. "Jeffrey would really enjoy this one," she blurted out, not thinking. Blushing, she returned the book to its former place. "I would love to work on creating a library for the Glen residents to use Alistair," Meggie quickly added, turning back to face him.

"I can’t tell you how pleased I am, Meggie. A community isn’t quite complete to my mind if it doesn’t have a library, no matter how small. As you saw, though, the place will need shelving and a desk, tables, chairs, lighting, and general library supplies as well as more books. It’s liable to be a big job getting it up and running. Are you game for that?" He hadn’t missed the quick expression that flashed across her face when she’d mentioned Jeffrey. "Do you have the time to give to it?"

"Yes. I’m getting things set up in my home at the moment, but that shouldn’t take very much longer. A few pieces of furniture and some things here and there. Even though I’ve been living here for a few months, I’m still not very organized," Meggie responded with a chuckle. Realizing that might make her sound unorganized and not qualified for handling a library, she became quiet before adding, "but I assure you, Alistair, I am prepared to give all my time to this endeavor. Books and reading are my life." The last sentence came out more solemn than she had intended.

"I don’t think you need to give it all your time, Meggie. Just enough to manage it. You need time for you, too. Don’t ever forget that. That’s important." Her solemn statement concerned him. "I would never want you to give up the other things you enjoy." He saw her staring out at his garden, so added, "Do you like gardens, Meggie? If you do, have you thought of possibly making one at the library? I could help with the heavy digging and we could get some bird feeders, maybe a bird bath, some outdoor seats for nice weather, make a little retreat area for

people to read. Would you like that?"

Her mind had drifted again to thoughts of Jeffrey. Back in the States, he had started a garden with his two daughters. And it was that very garden he "saw" them in when he was staying in the hotel, he had later confided to her. Meggie shook her head slightly to clear the thoughts and suddenly realized Alistair was talking to her.

"I’m sorry. Lost in a thought. Yes, I would love to start a garden here at the library, with some benches, tables, and even bird feeders to make the environment welcoming for the readers. I think the community would really enjoy this "secret garden" to escape to while indulging in reading. I would also like to start one at my home. I have a strong fondness for animals, especially horses…and enjoy watching and tending to my "wilds" as I call them lovingly, the squirrels and birds. But I have yet to see a squirrel here in Australia." You’re rambling, she thought. Keep Jeffrey out of your mind.

"I apologize, Alistair, for rambling on like that. Yes, I want to start as soon as possible in making this all came true. The sooner the better for…the community."

"I have some time now, Meggie. Are you up for going over there, maybe sweeping it out,

see if it needs painted, that sort of thing? We could even check the lay of the land for the

garden." She seemed distracted by personal thoughts. He never pressed people to share such things, though. He was there and if she wanted to speak to him about something that was bothering her, that was a decision she herself would make. Perhaps after she’d spent more time with him, felt even more comfortable?

"I rather like your concept of it as a Secret Garden," he continued. "Perhaps we could make paths that would lead to small private areas, each blocked from sight from the others. That way several people could enjoy it at the same time, undisturbed by the presence of anyone else. I’m sure Joimus would have some advice on that."

Meggie nodded her head. "Yes, that sounds great. Particularly the paths leading to different private spots." She looked at Alistair, the pain filling her more quickly than she could hold back. A small tear rolled down her face, and she knew the frustration and pain from telling Jeffrey goodbye earlier continued to haunt her. Wiping her eye, she looked away. "I’m sorry. I, um," she winced. She wanted to feel nothing, no more confusion, pain, or fear. "I don’t know what to do anymore, Reverend. I can’t give him what he needs or what he wants."

"Do any of us, truly, ever know completely what someone else needs or wants, Meggie? We think we know and we act on what we think, but is there anyone who knows totally what you yourself need or want?"

"To be honest, I’m not totally sure I even know what I need and want at times." Meggie paced back and forth. "Sometimes love just isn’t enough, I guess. When neither can trust the other with their fears, it’s like you’re traveling on a one-way street. No turning back, no alternative paths to take. You just get caught up in the simple rhythm of looking forward and not back." She stopped pacing and turned to face Alistair. A wry smile spread across her face. "God makes everything but unbreakable hearts. Why?"

"Meggie, may I share with you what to me is one of the best prayers a person can pray?" At her nod, he smiled and said, "Let my heart be broken with the things that break the heart of God." Looking at her seriously yet kindly, he added, "We seldom stop and think that the heart of God Himself can be broken. But it can…and has been ever so much more than we know. So He made our hearts capable of the same thing as His. If my heart cannot be broken, then I can never know true love, can never experience the depth of compassion, cannot understand the pain and loss of my fellows. We do not seek a broken heart, but when it comes to us, instead of stumbling over it, we can use it for a stepping stone to a fuller experience of life. How can I ever comfort someone else’s broken heart if I do not know what it is to have my own heart broken? And how can I comfort if I have not been comforted? We comfort with the comfort with which we have been comforted. It is the way of it, Meggie."

"And if, as you admit, you don’t even know what it is that you yourself need or want, how then can you fully know what it is Jeffrey needs or wants? I think what you said about neither of you trusting the other with your fears may be the bottom line of the problems in your relationship. It’s not love that’s not enough, it’s the level of trust that’s not enough. By its very nature, a lack of trust creates barriers. That’s what needs to be dealt with, Meggie. To change how Jeffrey trusts you, he must see that you trust him. Trust, like most things, needs to be exercised or it atrophies. One of you needs to take the lead, to step out into trusting, to let the other witness that, be moved by that, be convinced of the presence of that. It’s not easy, but you’ve got to decide if it’s worth it, if a future with Jeffrey is worth the possible risk. Only you know what that’s worth to you, Meggie, only you."

"Alistair, may I share something with you?" she asked. When he nodded, she quickly told him about Jeffrey, his ordeal and loss back in the States, and how they eventually found each other. She continued, in brief details, how he had followed her half way around the world to tell her goodbye; how instead, they had managed to find a small beacon of light to both guide them and give hope. "But he still has problems opening up, expressing his feelings at times. He shuts down instead, going inside this dark hole. I…I thought partially because I couldn’t make him physically satisfied, if you know what I mean." She blushed, not quite sure how much to say or to reveal.

"I’m afraid, not of him, but of disappointing him. I only want him to be happy, and…I think another woman can give that to him more than I am able of doing." She thought of the woman back at the bar, the lipstick stain, and those other hands on Jeffrey. Sighing, she looked Alistair straight in the eyes and tried to let the truth come from her lips. "I…I…have never. Oh God, this is embarrassing. I’m sorry." With both hands, she covered her face in shame.

"Oh, Meggie, no, no, don’t be ashamed! What you have to give is truly beautiful. I’m so sorry if you’ve been made to feel otherwise. Please, please know that is just not the case." He smiled tenderly. She had revealed the foundation of her fear and he was honored. "You want Jeffrey to be happy. How can you be so certain that you are not the one to do that? Perhaps you are projecting on to him your own feeling that someone else could do that better? Please consider that, Meggie. He is the final judge of that, not you. You can’t really know what he’s feeling about that, not if you don’t give him a chance to show you. If you back away from him, indicate to him that you want him to leave, that you don’t trust that you are right for him, how can he ever show you anything different from that? How can he let you know you don’t disappoint him? So often, Meggie, it’s our own fear that we project onto the other that keeps us apart. It doesn’t have to be that way, you know. You can decide it doesn’t but you can’t decide for him the things that are his to decide…like how much he loves you, how much you are what he wants. You need to be willing to let him show you. From what I’ve seen of Jeffrey, I seriously doubt he cares about the type of woman he’d meet in a bar. You’re not like that. You’re a woman a man wants forever, wants to make a life with. But if you run from that, you may never find it. It’s all a risk, Meggie. I know that. But that’s the way of life. If we keep ourselves bundled in cotton wool so we never risk, then we’re not really living. He needs to risk, too. He’s been terribly hurt, lost everything, so risking is a hard thing. But if he sees you doing it, maybe he can do it, too. Do you love him enough for that?"

"Yes, with all my heart and soul. All I’ve wanted to do is show him how much I love him and that he can trust me with his deepest fears and problems. Instead, I’ve allowed my childish fears from letting him know." She stopped a moment, biting her lip, and thought about what Alistair had just told her. "I’ve selfishly denied him what he wants and needs the most right now by thinking of only myself."

She glanced outside the window, staring into the garden again. The wind caused the trees to sway back and forth, while the flowers "danced" under the gentle breeze’s touch. Still biting her lower lip, Meggie turned to stare into the reverend’s gentle face and kind blue-greenish eyes. "I know from past experiences, some men think nothing of what it means…it’s simply about physical needs. I should have taken the risk a long time ago instead of clutching it so tightly."

Meggie then walked over to a box of books, pointing to them. "I’m like these books. They are meant to be touched, used, and enjoyed. Boxed up, they can’t offer pleasure to another person. I should go to Jeffrey now and offer to him what I have to give. Then I’ll know how he feels about us, me. And if it’s enough. He may not say it, but I’ll know from his face, his eyes, his voice. And then we can move on from there."

"It’s your trust, Meggie, that’s what needs offering. Everything else will follow. Jeffrey’s family stopped trusting him and it sounds like that hurt him more than anything. Let him see trust again. Let him see it in your eyes."

Alistair smiled fondly at her again. "I think sweeping can wait. Go now where your heart is calling."

A small smile spread across her face. "Thank you, Reverend…Alistair. For listening and being understanding. My heart is calling for Jeffrey, and despite everything that has happened between us, I still love and need him." She touched Alistair’s hands softly before saying goodbye and leaving.