Darfur

By Beej and Bridgid

It had been two weeks since Terry heard from her. He had a bad feeling about this trip to begin with but M was stubborn. She'd volunteered for Doctors Without Borders many times in the past but this was her first trip to Darfur. Darfur is the epitome of hell on Earth. War, starvation and disease were a way of life there but when M received a call to join four other doctors to go, she didn't blink and eye, she just started packing.

Terry rarely had trouble hiding emotion in his voice but it was very evident when he asked her not to go. She flitted it off with a wave of her hand.

"Terry, I've got to go. I'm needed."

"What about me. I need you."

They exchanged a look and he suddenly felt selfish. Within the week she was gone for a trip that was slated to last six months. The last thing he handed to her before she boarded her flight was a satellite phone with an agreement that she would call him at least once a week.

"Don't worry, Terry." she said as she tucked the phone in her carryon. "...and don't forget...I love you."

"I do." he whispered as he held her in his arms and don't you forget that I love you."

The last thing he saw was the heartfelt smile she gave him as she went through security at the airport.

No phone call ever came.

He tried to call but the answering system was not set up. If he could see the long thin fingers of the Sudanese rebel as he held the strange cell phone up to his mates as it vibrated and chimed, he would have swallowed his heart a second time.

Within hours he had his documents in order. Shortly after that he was on his way to Africa via private jet to meet an old friend. The Sudan would give up her mysteries or his name was not Terry Thorne.

A red headed man met him in a corner at the Juba airport in the Bahral Jabal province. The shook hands and embraced before rushing to a waiting car.

The moment they were mobile, the red headed man spoke.

"Why are you here, Terry? You know better. You know you have too much at stake here, emotionally."

"Lay off, Dino. You know there's no way I'd stay at home wringing my hands. It's M we're talking about here."

Dino glanced at him briefly but there was no mistaking the look in his eyes. He knew that Terry's presence would just muck things up. He knew Terry was aware of this too. You just can't be emotionally involved when it came to things like this. Aside from that, the news was not good. M and three other doctors had been on a caravan to one of the villages. They never arrived at their destination.

 "The news is not...good, Terry."

"All the more reason to get off my fucking case then and get this show on the road," Terry snapped at his best friend in the world.

Dino huffed. He knew he had to send Terry packing but there is no way he could do it without indulging him some. "Things are not pretty here, pal, but she's resourceful. Listen, bottom line is that we're sure she is in the hands of the rebels or we are sure she was. You know what goes on so ...." Dino paused. "All I can tell you right now is that we don't have any bodies."

"No Proof of Life either," Terry sighed, suddenly feeling at a complete loss.

"Right, no proof of life. Terry, we've been friends a long time so I'm going to be straight with you. This is not good. I think you should prepare yourself for the worst. I don't know any other way to put it. You know how I felt.....feel about M but there isn't much we can do here." Dino said as he braced himself, expecting Terry to shoot the messenger.

Terry said nothing, just stared at Dino until tears stung at his eyes. Clearing his throat he managed to speak. "Can you get me to where she and the others were last seen, mate? It might help me get my head around this."

Dino nodded and sighed a bit of relief that he didn't get the expected right hook. "My team is set up there now. I brought the best of the best, Ter."

A short time later they pulled up at a refugee camp where one tent stood out. Leading Terry in, Dino was stopped by one of his crew who seemed to have some panic in his eyes. He whispered something to Dino, who dropped his head on hearing the news.

Dino turned to Terry and the sadness in his eyes spoke volumes. "Sit down, mate."

Terry looked from Dino to the young man he hadn't seen before, then back to Dino. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was too dry. He felt himself shaking so instinctively took Dino's advice and sat. "What do you know, Dino?"

"They've found one of the other doctors who were with M." Dino said as he looked his friend in the eye. "I won't sugar coat this. He was tortured then shot in the head from behind. Execution style. Terry, you know what they do to women here. Please, go home. I can deal with this better without you here."

Terry shuddered and grabbed his stomach. He suddenly fell forward and was violently sick.

Dino turned away briefly before grabbing a canteen of water from a nearby pack. Without hesitation he pulled a flask from his back pocket and offered that to Terry first. "I'm sorry, my friend. Let me take you back to the airport now. We'll handle this, no matter what, we'll find her." He couldn't use the words 'dead of alive' in front of Terry but that was what was on his mind.

Terry grabbed to flask and took a deep pull, and promptly lost it as he heaved once again. He held out his hand for the canteen, a look of stubbornness in his eyes, tinged with despair.

The pressure in Dino's chest was unbearable. He knew how much Terry loved this woman and maybe part of it was because of her independence. She would have fought him tooth and nail if he tried to stop her from coming here and he must have known that someday he'd face something like this. Deep down in his heart, Dino thought that M was dead but he sensed Terry felt otherwise. Perhaps it was that fact that had him in the state he was. Death may be better than existence in the hands of the fighters. Clearing his throat, Dino hoped it would help him stop thinking about the atrocities the doctors faced.

"We won't give up, I promise you that. Please, Terry. Go home, talk to her family. I know they must be waiting for some word from you."

"I'm not going home without her...would you?"

Raising his chin, Dino gritted his teeth. "Under the circumstances, I would. I would leave someone I trust in charge and I would go home to where I was out of the way. Do you trust me?"

"With my life, mate, but we're talking about M. How can I go back to The Glen with no news for the girls?"

"Let me put it this way. How would you advise me if the shoe were on the other foot, huh? Do you trust your own advice enough to take it yourself?"

"Shit!" Terry exclaimed, rubbing his face with his hands before turning his bloodshot eyes to Dino. "You know what I'd advise, mate. I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough to take it."

"Bullshit. You know what you would tell a client and you'd tell them that they had to be strong. YOU have to be strong now. Think about B, the twins, Joimus and Marie. They'll need you to be strong."

Terry sighed and hung his head. He knew Dino was right, and he knew the girls needed him with them. He just couldn't bring himself to say the words Dino was waiting to hear. Instead he looked helplessly at his friend, knowing he would be able to read his decision in his eyes.

Dino blinked once as he looked into his eyes. He could feel his pain, his sense of loss and his discomfort over the decision he had to make to return to The Glen. It was overwhelming. "I'll drive you to Juba. It's time for you to go."

Terry was defeated. He felt like crawling into a hole, instead, he accepted the embrace of the one person he loved as much as M, and let the tears flow.