Nothing Makes Sense

Libby & March

Libby was sitting at the corner table in Andy's when March came out of the kitchen at the end of his shift. The restaurant was mostly empty this late, with only one or two customers lingering over their dessert and coffee.

Libby put on a smile, hoping March wouldn't notice how upset she'd been. "Hi," she told him, as she got up to kiss him. "You must have really outdone yourself tonight. I've been sitting here for awhile and I've seen a lot of happy diners!"

“Have you been waiting for me, I’m sorry it’s been a busy night,” March released her and looked at her, “Libby, you’ve been crying have I done something to upset you?”

"No." She couldn't meet his eyes. "No, I haven't been waiting long, and no, you haven't done anything. You've never done anything except be good to me."

Libby tried to change the subject. "Have you eaten anything yourself, or have you been too busy feeding other people?"

“As usual I have been tasting all evening but have not had a proper meal, would you like something to eat Libby? I order for you.” March was concerned about her as her usual smiling face was missing tonight. He decided he would not push her but if she wanted to talk to him about what was upsetting her he would listen.

She sat back down, still unwilling to meet his eyes. "No, that's okay. I'm not hungry." Taking a deep breath, she finally looked up at him. "March, I need to talk to you. There's- Something I have to say."

March saw the serious look on her face and sat down, “Yes Libby talk to me.”

It hurt to say it, but Libby had made up her mind and she wanted to get it over with. "I can't see you any more March. I'm sorry." It had come in a rush, but there. It was out.

It wasn’t what he was expecting he sat back in his chair and laced his hands on the table, “Am I allowed to ask why?” He’d spoken slowly and softly. He could see this wasn’t easy for her but he didn’t understand why if he hadn’t upset her and had done nothing wrong.

"Oh- God, March- Of course you're allowed to ask why!" Libby searched herself for what to say. She hadn't planned on it coming out that way, but it had.

"I'm not sure I can explain it too well, though." She looked at him pleadingly. "It- It has to do with being hurt once, and not wanting to ever get hurt again, and-" Libby stopped there, out of breath and out of words.

“Libby, do you think I would hurt you? I would never do such a thing I have been honest with you about myself from the beginning. I am thinking someone else has hurt you and I am to pay the price for this hurt. What can I do?”

"Nothing." Her voice was breaking again, and she did her best to get it under control. "There's nothing you can do. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I've let myself care for you too much too quickly."

Libby couldn't bring herself to tell him about Dan. Because she was ashamed that she'd become involved with both of them, and because it hurt too much.

March was listening to what she said but he couldn’t quite understand it, “I care for you too, I think I have made that clear. How can you care too much? Ah cara I cannot sit here and watch you cry now you are breaking my heart.” He pulled her hands from her face and held them. “Please tell me what this is about.”

Looking into his handsome, caring face, his eyes full of concern for her, Libby finally broke down. March was too sweet and too nice. He deserved the truth. She took a long, cold drink of her coke and then told him about Dan Evans.

Everything came out in a rush, the way it usually did with Libby. Afterward, she sat staring at her hands, waiting for his anger and harsh words. She deserved them. She'd betrayed him and she couldn't blame him for being furious. "I know you must hate me, March."

March was quiet for a moment and then, “You know Libby you and I have made no commitments other than we care for each other and enjoy each other’s company. We have made no promises that we were bound to keep. I cannot stop you from seeing someone else if you choose to. You could not stop me if I wanted to see someone else. So I cannot hate you, I could never hate you Libby. I am not from your country maybe I look at things a little differently I don’t know but my feelings for you don’t change.”

Surprised, she looked up at him quickly. "You- You mean- You don't expect someone to be, um...faithful...to you? Not go out with anyone else?" The thought that he wouldn't mind her seeing someone else had never crossed her mind. And never had the thought that he might want to see someone else.

“First of all I have not been seeing anyone else but I cannot hold you Libby if you want to see someone else, look at my situation what can I say, I cannot say we are engaged to be married I cannot promise you that. If we make a commitment to each other and live together that is one thing but we have not done such a thing. I’ve told you I love you and I do and now I don’t know how you feel you say you cannot see me anymore because you have been seeing Dan Evans so I am thinking he is more to you than I am. Is this not true?”

"No!" Libby told him quickly. "Not more! Not anything! He-!" She stopped, unable to believe she was actually talking to March about this.

"It doesn't matter what he is to me anyway. I'm nothing to him." Taking another sip of her drink, she squeezed March's hand. "And you deserve better than someone who did something like this and didn't tell you."

“I’m not sure I deserve anything,” he looked down at their hands joined on the table he’d caught the tone of her voice when speaking of Dan. “I’m very sorry Libby.”

Once again, March was being wonderfully kind and understanding. It made Libby feel even worse--about what she'd done with Dan, about what she was doing now. "It's my own fault," she told him. "I shouldn't have jumped in so quickly. With him or with you."

Looking up at him again, hoping he could understand her fear and her hurt, she said, "That's why I think I need time. To sort out how I feel. I never had much experience with men before this, March. Just college boys that I went out with in school. And then, all of a sudden, someone like you is paying so much attention to me..."

March smiled slightly, “I think you will find Libby that men are much more complex than college boys for one thing we have been out in the world and lived it, we have been hurt we have loved and lost. We’ve had to work for what we want we have suffered disappointment too. Perhaps we handle these things differently depending on where we are from. I will give you space Libby to sort out your feelings just remember I am here and you let me know what I can do to help you.”

Her eyes full of tears, Libby almost whispered, "March, I wish it was different. I- I don't want to feel this way... I hate all this!"

“I don’t like this either Libby but you must do what will be best for you that is what is important here,” He moved his chair and put his arm around her shoulder and hugged her, “do what will bring that smile back to your face. I don’t like to see you this unhappy.”

"I don't like being this unhappy, March. And I don't like making you unhappy either." She wiped her eyes again, before getting up. She wanted to go home and just cry. Cry without anyone around to see her.

March stood up, “Remember Libby I am here if you need me, I will say good night but not goodbye,” he kissed her forehead and stood back so she could get away from the table.

Leaving Andy's, Libby was crying harder than ever. In the space of twenty-four hours, she'd gone from two men to none. Even though ending things with March had been of her own choosing, it didn't make her hurt any less.

As she stumbled up the stairs to her apartment above Richie Roberts' office, she was really wishing she had someone to talk to right now.